On SleepLessNess (1/3)

A sleep unaffected by the noises of the night is for those who will not find sleep within the eternal sleep.

Typical differences only really satisfy those who have never felt tired.

All big projects are tiresome for unfinishable.

If only for a worker who might feel restless but not be tired.

So this is the project. A sleep that will work.

Of shut eyes and open ones. Of closed cycles and undreamt ones.

A work that seems lucid, a getting up that knows how to take to a later time to lie down and close its eyes; a sleep that stays awake for an hour beyond the non-hours.

A sleep that can find itself between sleep.

A sleep that knows when it does not sleep.

And all the inimitable dreaming needed to have associated any of that.

To be profound and profoundly lost in all the somnambulant phenomena speaking to itself and speaking in itself.

Where and when sleeping and being awake return by the same difference, are lost for the same purpose, as one or the other, one way or another.

That the dream itself may find time to sleep. To repeat itself in the mourning of the wake state. And remember what it was about, and what it is to be about.

That something as sleepless as being awake would never be restless, never unslept.

To wake up into wake-state and vice-versa.

But the idea of this difference is still not quite there.

As one cycle too many. We have been cyclical, and that is too much. Naming the passions and falling asleep to another person’s thinking.

We are empty enough for the fixed name. But unchallenged for the dreamt up state of dreamt down stating.

Of course, we have not had to sleep much for that. We have not had to wake up too often for that.

We might blame the dreamers for this lapse. We might blame ourselves for waking too early and not seeing it all the way through.

We should perhaps blame each other for not seeing the difference in all its undreamable difference between dreaming and not dreaming.

Since our surfaces are insufficiently lit to see the lack of the animation between them.

There is so much nighttime in our days, and not enough daylight in our nights.

We are always still too full of dreams for a full engagement. For a full sleep – too lethargic.

And so to see this difference as it has not so far been well-rested would be as to not see it, too. As it were not to sleep and all the consequences analogous to that.

To live in the unsleep of change.

But we do not want to do this. We have no need to.

So what is this question of our sleep?

Of being awake too long beyond the dream?

Of going to sleep too early for the better meaning of a pause?

This is the question of our question. How does it make itself up in the meantime, between the alterations by slept and unslept time?

And if I have just asked another pointless question, my next question has to therefore be: how is it that these pointless questions insert themselves into the sleep cycle?

Have I not slept enough? Indeed, I never do.

What more dreams are going to make us a memory of what we have never had? And how many more shall insert themselves so outrageously, and in their outrage dream another type of sleep altogether?

Do we have to sleep more, dream more or wake up more?

Should we not wake ourselves up in this dreamt memorising of things that never were? Are we not responsible for different responses to a dream?

I think it is about not leaving our time alone.

And making it into the work, however analogised.

Perhaps a matter of trusting nonexistence. Like going to sleep for an hour after the mourning.

And not trusting existence as much. The existence of things.

As we dream the almost sleep of what the end of some different days would look like. And that means sleep and non-sleep, of course.

Put our dreams into sleep. Do not go to sleep. But waking up after having done so.

Too much interpretation, and it may go to sleep.

Of course, too much and it may just fall asleep.

A tired end.


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